Interview with a Small Group Leader (Irene Wong)

Small Group Leader Interview with Irene Wong

Tell us briefly a bit about the small group you're currently leading.

I'm leading a family-focused small group consisting of 6 couples and their children (there are 9 and counting!) We've been meeting for approximately a year now.

How long have you been a small group leader at Cornerstone now?

I've been a small group leader for close to 7 years now.

How did you first get involved with small group leading?

I first got involved with small group leading when my small group at the time had decided to end. I was challenged by my small group leader to think about leading a new small group as there was a need for it. I remember my initial thought was a definite "no" as I did not see myself as "leader material". I didn't consider myself as a person who was dynamic, outgoing, good at speaking in front of people, or have extensive Bible knowledge, etc. - all qualities that I attributed to being a good leader. I'm more quiet, shy and introverted and often have difficulty remembering the simplest of Bible verses. My small group leader encouraged me by helping me to see that being a good small group leader was not so much about me but that it was simply having the desire to obey and serve God. He saw potential in other qualities I had and helped me to see that God could use them to benefit and encourage others. He also suggested that I could receive Turbo Training (small group leaders' training) to help me build on some of the leadership skills that I felt unsure about (i.e., how to deal with conflict, how to covenant and lead discussions and bible studies). I eventually agreed to co-lead a newcomers' small group.

Can you tell us about support you've received that has helped you in growing in your own faith and as a small group leader?

As I had previously mentioned, I received Turbo training which provided the fundamentals of leading a small group. The training highlighted important aspects of small group life and also modeled scenarios that would often arise when leading a small group. It was invaluable in molding my understanding of small groups as well as providing me with skills that I still use now as a leader in ministry and as a teacher professionally. As a small group leader here at Cornerstone, I also have the great privilege of getting support from our small groups coach, Jeremy, on a regular basis. Jeremy holds a VHS meeting for all small group leaders to attend every other month to pray and talk about our small groups. We have the opportunity to share as a community of leaders our struggles, trade ideas as well as give support and encouragement to one another. VHS has helped me grow as a leader because I know that I'm not doing it on my own. I know that I have the prayer support of a coach and other leaders. They are a source of accountability in reminding me to pray, celebrating with me when I've experienced God in my group, and coming alongside me when I'm frustrated or struggling with something. I feel that I've really grown personally as a result of being a part of the VHS community.

Leading a small group obviously takes time and commitment. What are some reasons that you continue to lead a group?

I continue to lead a group because God has used small groups throughout my own life to transform and grow me in my own journey as a Christ-follower. I believe that investing in God's people is something that is close to God's heart and something that He desires from each of us. Those are some of the reasons that I continue to lead a group.

What kind of person do you think would make a good small group leader?

Someone who has a willing heart to serve God and care for others.

What words of encouragement would you give to those people?

As a leader, I definitely don't have everything all figured out. With each group that I've been involved in, God continues to teach me a lot about small group leading and what it means to care for and love others. It's not always easy to do life with others and I confess that there are moments that are difficult and challenging. However, I encourage those of you who are sitting on the fence and trying to decide whether or not to lead a group to go for it. It is all worth it. It is worth every second of time and commitment when you are able to walk alongside someone who tells you that they are growing in their walk with God. It is worth it when you can pray for someone in your group who is discouraged or struggling with something in life and see how God answers prayer and blesses their life. It is worth it because in the end, it pleases God when we help people draw closer to Him. I encourage you not to think about what skills or qualities you lack but to think about how God could potentially use you to transform lives for His glory. Sometimes we get so caught up with looking inward at our weaknesses and seeing how inadequate we are that we forget that God is the one who is ultimately "leading the group". We just need to be obedient, open and committed to letting Him use us.

Pictures from our Small Group Leader Family Retreat

Some pics from our retreat time together...

I've always found that there's something special about "getting away". Food tastes better, conversations go deeper, relational connections seem stronger... Our retreat with some small group leaders and their families was no exception.

We enjoyed time together with our families - we played, we hiked, we ate, we ate so more. And we also experienced some "rich" moments of sharing, worship, prayer with one another. Together, we dreamed about what community could look like in our groups and in our church and what that would mean for our own lives and leadership...

One of the questions we asked and continue to process is:

What would it look like if everyone lived in deep community?

One of the commitments we looked at was:

The circles I lead are going to be "circles of community".

Dream together with us what our communities could not just look like but actually become if we made space in our relationships and in our hearts for God...

The Relational Way

I’ve been the Small Groups Pastor at Cornerstone now for almost four years (I’m now the Small Groups and Connections Pastor). And a big part of what I do is champion biblical community and train and work with small group leaders to lead groups that transform lives.

As a practitioner, I do a lot of training, coaching, resourcing, starting up new groups, trouble-shooting... But I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking, reflecting and praying too. I’ve been asking God to teach me more about small groups – what they are, what are their strengths (there are a lot!), what challenges they present, what limitations there are... I’ve been asking the question: Is being in a small group the end goal for people?

Is it enough to have trained leaders, new group opportunities, resources and curriculum, and let’s say 100% of the church participating in a small group?

Or is it possible to have all this in place and still end up missing the mark?

A number of books have challenged and shaped my thinking on small groups recently: Connecting and True Spiritual Community by Larry Crabb, The Search to Belong and Organic Community by Joseph Myers. (Bill Donahue, Henry Cloud, John Townsend and Andy Stanley also have really good material on small groups too.)

And one recent book I’ve read, The Relational Way by Scott Boren has articulated a lot of what I’ve felt to be intuitively true and has provided deeper insights for reflection, thinking and prayer. It basically warns against the trap of thinking that adopting the small group model and getting people to join will in itself change lives and make the church grow.

This year, small group leaders at Cornerstone have already started on a journey to explore, test and interact with these ideas. You can also follow some of the ideas and discussion here on this blog.

Boren sets the stage for the premise of his book in the first chapter by introducing the idea of an operating system. Like a computer operating system, “our life’s operating system dictates how all other programs work.” The idea is that like the air we breathe or like how fish only know life in the water, the operating system or culture of our world shapes how we see small groups and community – often times in ways that aren’t biblical and reflective of Jesus’ teachings.

The culture we live in here is heavily influenced by individualism and pragmatism which strongly shape how we see things (often without us consciously knowing). We see this when well-intentioned people join a small group to help them to grow and develop spiritually (individualism). Or members and leaders looking for strategies and resources to make their groups work and produce results (pragmatism). (Shouldn’t the means of how we do things be consistent with the end goal?)

I know I’ve caught myself more than once talking with people all the while thinking about what I want to get from them or how they can help promote my own agenda. (Does that really reflect the kind of love the Bible describes as sacrificially seeking the interests of others?)

Studying the life of Jesus, we quickly realize that he operated out of a different operating system – what Boren calls the ‘relational way’, or the way of God’s kingdom. Jesus simply related and spent time with people not because of an agenda but because it was a good thing to do.

We were designed and created to be relational beings like God and

the ultimate expression of relating is agape love.

If small groups are not the end but only a means to the end - relational living and life transformation - then we need to learn not just how to do small groups but how to relate.

The church by definition needs to battle the anti-relational system of the world because by its very nature, the church stands for a different way of living and relating that expresses God’s kingdom in contrast to the ways of the world.

I’m personally challenged by the need to lead out of who I am – my character, my willingness to cultivate the kingdom according to patterns that do not reflect the world and the priority I place on relationships - not for the personal benefits [individualism] or the results they might bring [pragmatism]- but simply to relate because we reflect God best when we love.

I believe community is about life transformation as we relate to God and others in deeper ways, according to God's ways. As Boren says, “People change because they have been loved enough by God and others to see an alternative way of living and then move into it.”

Reflection Questions

1. When was the first time you saw something distinct about the way Christ-followers lived? What about that was attractive to you?
2. What ways have you noticed the values of individualism and pragmatism influence your view of community or the church?
3. If it’s true that what we need most is Jesus’ operating system, what challenges do you see in living out a “relational way”? What excites you about that prospect? What would that look like in your life?
   

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions and comments.

Some Reflections: Our Small Group Member Spotlight Series

I’ve shared previously about my small group going through what we call Small Group Member Spotlight. Having been together as a group for years, we all sensed a desire to go deeper – deeper in our sharing, deeper in our conversations, deeper in our relationships – with God and with each other, deeper in our accountability – basically we were seeking to experience in deeper ways the life Jesus offers when he says, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) We believe that life is experienced together in community.

God can certainly lead us to deeper places through any number of ways. Perhaps you’ve taken this journey with your community through studying God’s Word, or serving together or worshipping together, or praying together and for each other and for those beyond your group.

Our group decided to spend a season sharing our life stories with each other – our defining moments, testimonies, successes, struggles, life lessons. Some passed around pictures, some used PowerPoint, some read from their journals or poetry they had written, some brought props, some like me ‘just’ shared. Sometimes there was great laughter at a particular joke or story. Sometimes there were tears as people opened up their hearts to us and we could see God in their lives – sometimes in their strength but usually in their vulnerability and weakness. We interacted, we asked questions, we offered encouragement, we prayed...

For me, this ‘experiment’ has been eye-opening. Through preparing my own story, I was confronted with themes in my life. I’ve seen how the deep desires God had placed in my heart early in my life – to want to live a life of significance and character, to want to make the world a better place, eventually led me to Jesus. Funny how even now, those same desires have at times led me to places of suffering, disappointment, doubt and fear. They've led me to the Jesus who died on the cross to give me life and invites me to carry my own cross to experience that life(Mark 8:34-38). And though I'm usually slow to see it at the time, looking back, these are usually the times I experience God most deeply and my desires become more refined, stronger, more mature I'd like to think if I hang on – not easy though! Probably why God designed it so I would need His help and the help of others...

Through hearing the stories of others, what stood out was the uniqueness of each person. Their stories, experiences, personalities, callings and gifts all point to a God who creates us uniquely to reflect something about God in a way no other person can (Gen 1:27). Each person experienced God in a unique and different way - they worship God, serve God, pray to God, and reflect God in ways they’ve been uniquely created for. And although each life is unique, I believe each story gave glory and honour to God by allowing His life to be seen in us through our stories.

Time and confidentiality prevent me from sharing more specifically about this. But among all the joys and highlights, I take perhaps the greatest hope and encouragement in seeing Life Transformation happen in the lives of ordinary small group members. To know people over years and see God change hearts, see people embrace their gifts and calling, see people work through old habits and learn new and better ways of living. To see how we are all supporting characters in the stories in a plot that God is continuing to unfold, to know that someone was blessed because of our friendships, our encouragement and our love, to grasp the truth that somehow in God’s mysterious ways, somehow we all played a part in the Life Transformation process of others – does it really get better than that? Wouldn't you want to be a part of that as well?

My small group members asked me to post some reflections on our Spotlight Time together.

• I’d invite them to share their own perspective of this experience.
• I’d also invite you to share your own thoughts, experiences and questions as we explore this AMAZING, LIFE-GIVING, FRUSTRATING, but WORTHWHILE gift we call spiritual community.

Last week, we finished our first-ever (but hopefully not the last) Small Group Member Spotlight time together. Next week, it’s a time of closure and celebration with something even more "spiritual" - a sushi-rolling, dumpling-making party and social evening! If anything eventful happens, I’ll let you know...